Ah! The wonders of wordplay!! Like any other writer, I love them. These glorious insults, sent to me by a friend, are from an era “ before” the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.”

“That depends, Sir, “ said Disraeli, “whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.”

 

“He had delusions of adequacy .” –                                                 Walter  Kerr

 

 

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”– Winston Churchill

“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one.”-George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second… if there is one.”-Winston Churchill, in response

 

“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.”-Clarence Darrow

 

 

“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”-William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.”-Moses Hadas

 

“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”-Mark Twain

“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?”  -Mark Twain

 

 

“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.”-Oscar Wilde

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.”-Oscar Wilde

 

 

“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.”-Stephen Bishop

“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.”-John Bright

“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.”-Irvin S. Cobb

“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.”– Paul Keating

“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.”-Charles, Count Talleyrand

 

 

“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.”-Forrest Tucker

 

“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.”-Mae West

 

“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support rather than illumination.”-Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.”-Billy Wilder         

                    

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening But I’m afraid this wasn’t it.” Groucho Marx