Sheltering in Place – Day 14

We can relate, even though it’s only day 14. From the Funny Cat Diary Secret Cat Diary DAY 752 — My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. DAY 761 — Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair … must try this on their bed. DAY 762 — Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night. DAY 765 — Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what…

Read more

Sheltering in Place – Day 12

      Today I’m having a Singalong with “Night and Day” the song from The Gay Divorcee, a timeless classic with singing, dancing, and fun. Created waaaay back in 1934, it starred Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers. Just skip through those pesky ads. This is so worth it. Of course, I have written some new words, which I feel are a little bit more timely.     Remember to sing as loudly as you can to drown out Fred’s words with your own. I’m sure your voice is better, anyway.

Read more

I May Be Here, But I have No Idea What Time It Is

International travel vs. the internal clock. It revolves around datelines, time zones, stuff like that. At the moment, we are cruising the Baltic Sea heading for Helsinki. It’s nine hours difference than back home. But it may as well be ninety. I know this because I look at the clock every other second and still don’t know what time it is.  I know this because every time I want to call back home to check on the cats or Norman wants to call his mother, we have no idea what time is there, here, anywhere. The day after tomorrow, we head for Russia where there is a ten hour difference. Good luck to us. International travel may be educational and broadening, but it is also stupifying. I sleep all the time. Or want to. I can’t get with it. Norman can get with it a little better than me, but today he locked the safe in our room with another set of numbers than he meant to punch in. We had to call the purser to come and unlock the…

Read more

Nobody Can Get Into Anything These Days

Forget the old saw: Old People Can’t Get Into Their Food. Now nobody can get into anything. It all started with the Tylenol poisonings back in 1982 and has escalated from there. So crazy people, beware. There is no more ease in ‘tampering’ with stuff. If you want to hide yourself in the corner of a drugstore and do something dastardly to some medicine basking on a nearby shelf, you are going to need a hacksaw and a drill, because nowadays everything is protected, from aspirin to flash drives. I bought some face cream the other day and after ten minutes of struggle even with a pair of scissors, had to ask for brawnier help. It took my husband and me another ten minutes to get into a package of which any instructions were made unreadable by our efforts. We tore, cut, ripped and bit our way to success, but if the manufacturer wanted us to know something in particular about the product, it was lost. Plus all this safety in packaging costs extra $$$. And that extra $$$ is…

Read more

I Don’t Know How The DMV Puts Up With Us

Recently I paid a visit to my local DMV to renew my license. Back in 1986, when we first arrived in California from New York, I took a written test for the privilege of driving a car in the Golden State. Now I had to do it again. I guess every thirty-two years they want me to check in, so back I went. In 1986 when I was a slip of a thing, I didn’t bat an eyelash about taking a written test. The first time I took the test – and it seemed to have dozens of questions then – I passed without studying. This time I was very nervous. Age will do that to you. I actually read the booklet twice. There were only eighteen questions this time and you’re allowed to miss three. I only missed one. More on that later. As a writer, I tend to observe my fellow-man, woman, and wombat. I’m not sure what a wombat is, but if one was hanging around, I would observe it.  All fodder for the writing, doncha know.…

Read more

Thanks to Ancestry.Com, It’s Not One Drop Of Irish Blood

Folk-Lore is a wonderful thing. I always thought I was half Italian, a quarter Irish, and the rest was a mish-mash of good ol’ American. In my mind, being a quarter Irish answered a lot.  After all, didn’t I have a grandmother whose maiden name was Margaret MacLaughlin? Didn’t I look good in Emerald green? Didn’t I believe in the wee people? I don’t think we need mention my fiery temper. Underneath this Claroil blond lives the soul of a redhead. But not much of my preconceived notions were true, and there’s the downside of doing your DNA. Yes, I am half Italian and I still look good in Emerald green. And my grandmother’s name is the same. Only the quarter is Scots, not Irish. Hoot man, I can live with that. Pass the haggis and hand me a kilt. But the truth? I so loved being Irish. The culture appeals to my sense of whimsy. Ireland has a charm all its own. I even hoped one day to go back to the ‘old country’ and find distant relatives. But maybe I’ll paddle…

Read more

Just been in a self-driving car

And I’m here to tell you it’s a little like a ride at Disneyland, a 45-minute wait, five-minute ride, but not nearly as much fun. At this point, it takes two people to drive a self-driven car, one to sit behind the wheel and the other in the passenger seat, staring at a monitor to key in the route on a keyboard. Driver two has to pay attention to any variable that might get thrown at the little darling. Like a pedestrian or stray dog wandering nearby. As a ‘level-three’ car, it doesn’t do u-turns yet. The person behind the wheel has to do that. However, it does go forward, albeit at 19-miles an hour. I’m not sure if it backs up. We never saw that. But it will stop at stop signs. Where we live there aren’t any stoplights, which is a good thing, because it doesn’t do stop lights, either. But it is very cute, and if you need to feel smug about your own driving ability, this is the car for you to investigate. It seems like all the…

Read more