Sheltering in Place – Day 45

Today I decided to wash my kitchen floor. I was tired of looking at it and hoping it could go until we have the ladies back to clean.  Throwing down a wet paper towel on a coffee stain and rubbing your foot back and forth on the floor only gets you so far. And then there was the odd Cheerio that would crunch under my foot as I traversed the kitchen. The final blow came when Ellie, the cat, threatened to call the SPCA to report her living conditions. I had to face it. It was time to wash the kitchen floor. It did not go well. Initially, I couldn’t find the mop. And when I did find it buried in the back of the laundry room, I couldn’t find any cleaning liquid. I was desperate. Then I got the bright idea — and you may find this hard to believe — of using warm soapy water. Wait! Hear me out first before you judge me harshly. Because this approach actually seemed to work. True, I didn’t use Formula 409 nor M’Lady’s Miracle Floor Cleansing Balm but just plain, old-fashioned soap and warm h2o. A scientific breakthrough! Well! Those spots just came right up. So did the dirt. Of course, rinsing out a dirty mop and getting it clean again presented another problem. I couldn’t find the bucket. Didn’t I use that for a birdbath once?  So being from pioneer stock, I used the kitchen sink. Naturally,  I had to scrub it within an inch of my life to get it clean again afterward. But that wasn’t the real problem. The sink is so danged high. it was awkward. I kept banging the end of the long mop handle into the stove, the fridge, the hubby. He happened to be…

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Sheltering in Place, Day 42

The governor of California has extended the shelter-in-place mandate until the end of May! Good grief! I have committed myself to nattering on about my thoughts and feelings until the shelter-in-place days are over. But what am I going to drivel on about? Because, let’s face it, drivel I do. Let me marshal my options on possible subjects: 1 -Hubby. The man I married is an endless source of material. Love him though I do, he is responsible for much amusement around the house. And aggravation.  Usually, he’s endearing and thoughtful. He has been known to clean up the kitchen, load the dishwasher, and do a load of laundry, all before I get up in the morning. But just when I think he is the most thoughtful man in the world he goes and does something thoughtless, like leaving one of the stove burners on after he’s cooked something for himself. No matter how many times I tell him to turn the burners off BEFORE he lifts the pot from the stove, he keeps forgetting. We even have little signs – “The fire marshall is watching YOU.” Someday I just might pull the stove out and put in one that turns itself off when there’s no more weight on the burner. That stove is right around the corner, should the house not burn down beforehand. 2 – Ellie, my cat. My darling, adorable, tubby Ellie is a spoiled brat, indulged beyond belief. I not only acknowledge the fact but stand firm that it is totally my doing. I say with no small amount of pride that I can take any ordinary alley cat and turn it into a neurotic French Poodle in less than three months. I like to think of it as a gift. 3 – My hair, my…

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Sheltering in Place – Day 38

I don’t know how to order online. I have to admit it. I thought it would be simple, but it isn’t. And I’ve made a few faux pas, which is French for you blew it. Fortunately, I have a very understanding husband. He gets that while I have many virtues, ordering online is not one of them. I may have mentioned that several weeks ago I ordered wine from BevMo. It did not go well. The results of this order showed up today. They said it would come in 10 to14 days. It took 17. And then I somehow managed to duplicate the order, which was bad enough. But when I went into the website to straighten it out, I managed to double the duplicate order. That’s 4 times the amount of booze I meant to order. Bummer. But this was not my fault. Seriously. Well, not completely. Well, maybe a little bit. Okay, entirely. Rats. In complete sincerity, I’m not sure what happened. I went to BevMo’s website.to order 6 bottles of wine and one bottle of vodka.  In my defense, the website was not exactly user-friendly. Maybe a little too much Cinco de Maya and not enough what’s going on. But the end result was I wound up with 4 times the amount of wine and spirits than I intended to order. This can happen to anybody. Right? But hubby is a good egg. He became philosophical. He said we can save all these bottles for the future, should we live to be a hundred and thirty. Or maybe, he proffered, we could open up a bar. Enthusiasm enveloped him. We’ve got the name, he said. The 6-Feet Apart Tavern. And a bonus: If you buy two drinks, you get to pet a tubby black cat named Ellie.…

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Sheltering in Place – Day 37

Today I was out shopping and saw something horrific.  A woman was actually out in public looking slovenly and unkempt. Good grief, she hadn’t even brushed her hair. Even the mask on her face couldn’t hide her lack of regard for the social mores we have come to expect from people who step outside their homes. Then I looked again. I really need to steer clear of plate-glass windows. Okay, so during our recent confinement, I have taken to wearing sweats outside the house and housedresses inside. Once I stayed in my flannel nightgown all day.  Ellie, my cat, was very confused. She kept thinking it was time for bed and yet the sun was still shining. So I went back to bed. Now I have always considered myself a pleasant enough looking woman. Upon occasion,  gorgeous. This is not vanity talking. Gorgeous is a trick I picked up in my early days in show biz. Wearing something like tulle or satin, lots of glittering jewelry, liberally applied lipgloss, all done while staying within the vicinity of a 3-watt light bulb. Lastly, keep moving. A moving target and all that. I do not make this up. It is a proven fact that these little tricks diffuse the light, keeping the subject a little out of focus. Doris Day knew this trick. So did the cameraman on her later movies. It was rumored she was often shot through gauze. When she was pushing 40 – which seems pretty young to me these days – it appeared more like she was shot through a quilt. No matter. I loved Doris Day. She was a mighty talent. But where was I? Oh, yes. On being gorgeous. Of course, my mother, husband, and several seeing-eye dogs I’ve become acquainted with think I have my…

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Sheltering in Place – Day 33

The world seems to be doing better without us humans doing our daily existence thing. I’ve been seeing pictures of the air becoming cleaner, the water purer. From March 24th until now, this is the difference in air quality in Delhi, India, one of the most polluted cities in the world. Astonishing and frightening. The difference is solely us not being there. There are even stories of animals taking over small villages and towns all over the globe, reclaiming the world. Some are heartwarming, some are funny. But they are all thought-provoking. This is what it’s like when we’re not taking center stage on the planet. However, if you’re still a believer in the human race, here is something delightful from a darling little girl who proves we may be annoying but have some charm.  

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