No, I didn’t Save the Spider

I’m not sure what’s up with me lately, but I and the animal kingdom are not quite getting along. First, the day before I left for the MuseItUp Retreat, my cat, Ellie used my neck as a perceived ladder in her bid for freedom. She repeatedly tells me this wasn’t her fault, though.
Being half-Siamese and half-Egyptian Mau (black one on the left), Ellie can only take so much at the vet’s before she makes a break for it. She says her high-strung-edness has something to do with being related to Queen Cleopatera. That would be the half-Egyptian part, I’m thinking. Ellie says you can’t have a relative who got bit on the asp without inheriting a very sensitive nature, no matter how long ago it was. Anyway, I go back to the doctor on Monday to check the remnants of the Cat Scratch Fever. I still have a little lumpy scar on my…ahem…double chin from that episode. I mean, enough already. I’m only one person.
Then and excuse me all to pieces for being annoyed over this, several days ago I got bit by a spider. This renegade spider hid inside the sleeve of my big shirt, inside my closet, inside my bedroom and then had the unmitigated gall to attack me, totally unprovoked. By the time this vile hooligan found a piece of unprotected skin — I wore this big shirt over a blouse — I was at a 1-day retreat at a friend’s house, walking down the street on a break, and minding my own business. Then YOWSER! I mean the inside of my lower arm felt the mighty jaws of this monster. I ripped off the shirt and there it was still clinging to inside the sleeve! At first I thought it was a bumble bee but I saw it was a large black and white spider, now drawn up into himself. I let out a scream, tossed the shirt away and the spider flew into the bushes.
With a burning and swelling arm, I ran into my friend’s house looking for anti-snake venom, Benadryl, and sympathy. What I got was, did you save the spider?
Now come on, folks. When you see something the size of a bumble bee inside your shirt sleeve the last thing on your mind is to save this sucker for posterity. And at least 50% of the people I told this story to – and most had spider bite tales – said to me, did you save the spider? No, no, and no!! Get over it, NO.
On reflection, I could tell by the looks of it, it wasn’t a Brown Recluse (got bit by one of those 5 years ago, thank you so much) or a black Widow (never bitten; let’s keep it that way). And while I still have a burning, itching red mark, most of the swelling has gone down now. The consensus is in. I will live.
However, maybe I shouldn’t leave the house for awhile. This is deer breeding season and as we all know, things tend to happen in threes. That’s all I need is to be kicked in the shin by a rambunctious doe on her way to meet the buckaroo of her life. I mean, enough already.

10 responses to “No, I didn’t Save the Spider”

  1. Thank you all for your good will and sympathy. Save the spider, indeed. I should have had it drawn and quartered. The bite still itches like crazy and it's been 5-days. My heart sister, who lives in St. Louis, says there are so many spiders in her neck of the woods, she always shakes out anything from her closet before putting it on her body. Spiders seem to love dark places and they like to crawl inside small places, like sleeves. You know, living can be hazardous to your health. Spread the word.

  2. "Spiders have no respect for boundaries"?

    Larion, that's true but a hoot!

    Heather, I had to come over after seeing your topic title. That's actually quite a scary story. I've gotten spider bites and even normal, non-venomous ones can really do a job on you. Furthermore, in my case at least, it bothered me for weeks afterward (horrible itching).

    I hope that's not true of you.

    AND your cats are gorgeous. I'm sure they'd be willing to comfort you…

  3. You are so full of it, Heather. What I mean is, you're so full of zany slap-your-thigh and giggle happenings that it's hard to know whether to offer sympathy. So, all things considered, you have my deepest slap-my-thigh concern for your well being. By the way, I shared the brown recluse spider bite experience and it almost cost me my ability to walk. Ugh!!! And, I had a major bumble bee bite and you'll have to trust me on this, it is worse than the spider bite you got. You don't even want to go there! LOL

  4. one time i was at the next door neighbors house and the kids ran in telling me a black widow was in the living room floor, at my house. now not thinking a widow would be there i told them to put a jar over it and i would take care of it when i went back home. when there the jar was with a black widow entrapped under it. gave me the shakes to think of how closely i put my kids in danger. spider have no respect for boundaries. I wouldn't have saved your spider either. i'd have mashed it, thrown it on the ground and stomped. at least you got a good look at it before you tossed. sorry to have laughed at your predicament, but…

  5. Heather, I missed that part about the asp until Gail talked about it. Good thing I was prepared, because I could have woken the entire house.:) Seriously, fate is telling you to be more careful. I'm not sure how a spider that size could hide in your sleeve. Are you sure it didn't just get there when you were outside? They can crawl up your arm, especially with wide sleeves.:) I wouldn't have let the spider live either. It was probably stunned when you flicked your arm and then would have died anyway. Watch out for deer ticks!!!

  6. Goodness Heather! How in the world? That would so freak me out. I didn't really laugh at first as I could feel your pain but when you got to the deer breeding season…well, I did kinda lose it.

    With the way things are going and as it is deer breeding time, I'm not sure getting kicked is the worst thing that could happen to you.

    Just sayin…

  7. Gail wasn't the only one howling. While I feel your pain (I'd die from fright, never mind the venom, if a spider was on me like that) I couldn't help but laugh. You paint such a visual picture, I'll probably dream about spiders tonight.

  8. Well, it's just coincidence we both blogged today! But I meant every word, too. You through out that "bit you on the asp" and I holler again just thinkin' 'bout it. And now I know where your sense of humor comes from. That southern influence is pretty unmistakeable, I wondered how a life-long California girl could come out with the stuff you come out with!

  9. Gail, this is a Gail and Heather lovefest day, girl! What could be better? Two southern gals, I swan. Can't wait to read your book, too. The all- too-brief excerpt was beyond tantalizing!

  10. OMG, Heather! I'm sitting quietly at the kitchen table with my laptop, minding my own business, reading away and out of NOWHERE you throw in that zinger about Elle and her relative who got bitten on the asp, and I just BELLOWED!! I only do that for Janet Evanovich and Stephanie Plum! One of my sons actually asked me did I have a new Stephanie! And then — THEN you have the audacity to describe your encounter with the spider which NO you didn't save — and there I go again! Oh, girl. You're gonna kill me. I'm still gasping for breath.