Got up early and went back to my favorite neighborhood grocery store. Armed with mask, sanitizer, and gloves, I went in. Got a few groceries, found out they have no paper products unless you count diapers. I have no need to get creative with paper diapers yet, so I moved on. Besides, I am loaded with paper products mostly by accident, but was thinking of friends.

After my own personal experiences, what I’ve seen on TV, and have been reading about regarding the weekend park and recreation visitors, I have come to understand many people have no idea what constitutes a six-foot social distancing.

Possibly this is because they have never been put at the end a six-foot pole or met my Cousin Dominic. Now and again people have said about me, “I wouldn’t touch her with a six-foot pole.” Or was it “I wouldn’t cross her with a six-foot pole?” Yeah, that’s it. This is in response to my reaction to people putting spam and pineapple on a pizza.  I mean, really? On a pizza? Would Leonardo da Vinci do something like that? Or Placido Domingo? Have a sense of tradition! Pizza is Italian, not Hawaiian. I certainly wouldn’t put any parmesan cheese in a Mai Tai.

Okay, okay. You can see where this is going. Pass me a pole and I will stop ranting about spam or pineapple on a pizza. Live and let live. Eat and let eat. But if you are in doubt as to what the six-foot distancing should be, just think of my cousin Dominic the night after a big Italian festival, maybe St. Joseph’s. He could be found lying on the floor of the vestibule, an empty bottle of chianti nearby.  All six-feet of him, end to end. Who could open the front door with him in the way? So the next time you’re out hobnobbing with the hoards, think of my cousin Dominic sprawled out on the floor and try to stay at least that distance away from everyone. It’s not scientific, but it works.