Presenting The Incomparable Ginger Simpson

They broke the mold when they made Ginger. She is one of the most versatile writers I know, plus one hulluva gal. And she’s quite funny, too. See below if you don’t believe me:

Resolutions, Smezolutions by Ginger Simpson
First, I’d like to thank Heather for allowing me to join the crew blogging on her site this month. Finding her friendship has been one of the highlights of becoming a Muse author, and I absolutely love her writing. BTW, I received no compensation for my endorsement of her. (smile)
Back to why I’m here. Some are probably blogging about the goals or resolutions they’ve made for 2012. That’s one habit I avoid since it never works for me. I simply set myself up to fail, then feel horrid about it. Take for instance the year I resolved not to eat candy. I was trying to lose weight of course and figured eliminating sweets would be most helpful. After two weeks of success, then failing when someone offered me a piece of See’s candy, I feel into a funk and went on an eating spree. After I came out of my sugar-induced coma, I’d gained seven pounds. So, you see why I don’t make resolutions. Oh shucks, maybe I’ll be a sport and try five this year I’m pretty sure I can I keep.
1. Don’t adopt a cat this year. (I dislike cats…or they dislike me.)
2. Turn down any offers to be a runway model. (Obviously, this shouldn’t be too tough.)
3. Don’t win the lottery. (I’m Caucasian and don’t buy tickets…this is a snap.)
4. Absolutely refuse contracts to race for Nascar. (Reasons too many to list.)
5. Don’t apply to be on Survivor. (I go crazy over one mosquito bite and hate bugs of any kind.)
Whew, that was hard, but feel certain I won’t break any of these resolutions. If I should, I’m pretty sure you’ll immediately be notified in newspaper headlines that might read something like this:
“Cat owner mauled to death after SPCA adoption.”
“Oldest and Fattest Woman to Stroll the Runway Makes Guinness Book of World Records.”
“White Woman Wins Lottery After Failing to Purchase a Ticket. Officials Suspicious.”
“Driver of Depends Car Causes Catastrophic Collision.”
“Oldest Survivor Player Airlifted to Mainland in Strait Jacket After Attacking Jeff Probst.”
Whew, I feel so much better since I’ve joined others who resolve to avoid pitfalls this year. Now, I can concentrate on my writing and either win the Nobel Peace Prize or write a NY Times best-selling novel. I’ve never been one to think outside the box.

You can keep tabs on my progress by following my website and blogs:
http://www.gingersimpson.com
http://mizging.blogspot.com
http://cowboykisses.blogspot.com

13 Comments:

  1. There she goes again, Ginger spicin' up our funny bones brightening our days with laughter. You rock, Girl!

  2. I really believe you do have a fan club, and here we are.

    I always enjoy your posts. You make me smile, especially when I need it the most. Thank you for that.

    I'll be following you as time allows. I hope we can brighten your days as you do ours.

    Keep us smiling.

  3. You all have made my day. I've been in a funk, so it's nice to counteract it with laughter. I needed this.

  4. OMG, Ginger! Those were my exact resolutions, too! (if I were to make any) 🙂

    LOL, girl, you are so hilarious! But I've told you that countless time!!!

    Love your humor, and love you, too.

  5. Ginger, you are an absolute hoot! It's fun to read your comments and think about my life as I do. Keep that sunny side out, my dear friend.
    PD

  6. Delightful post, Heather and Ginger. My aunt is hopelessly addicted to See's chocolates. They're always on her coffee table. Will think of Ginger each time I see them now. Thanks for the smiles!

  7. Ginger, you are so dang funny!! I love this blog post. You are right! These are great goals. Now I need to follow in your footsteps. 🙂

    ~Marie~

  8. Thanks to Heather for posting this, although I know since it came from a Mac, it wasn't easy, and that explains why none of my pictures are here. *lol*

    Karen, I love you, too, Gail, I think you stole my title, and Ro…make your own resolutions. Those are mine to meet. *lol* Honestly, ladies, thank you for the devotion that always draws you to where I am and for making me feel like I have a "fan club."

  9. I'm with you on the no resolutions. No point. However, I believe I can pretty much keep the same five you made and probably for the same reasons.

  10. And so Ginger retains her title as Muse's Queen of Humor!

  11. Ginger is phenomenal and one great lady. That's why we know she's kidding about not liking cats. Why, Mark Twain, Ernest Hemingway, Frank Scully, yours truly, and a host of other writers love the four-legged darlings. We know kindred souls when we meet them. But our Ginger will have her joke! Ha Ha.

  12. LMAO!! What a fun write-up…nothing better than starting the day with hilarity and appreciation. Very clever Ging. You know you are a target for that nice little jacket with straps, don't you? But then most geniuses are all a bit crazy.

    Loved this. Wish I could say how near and dear you are to me. So giving and talented. Really didn't think I could feel closer to you but I'm very excited to realize there are still many riches to come in knowing you.

    Thank you darling Heather. As you can see, I'm a bit emotional over this amazing writer. This amazing lady. This amazing friend. If there was a cyber star I could place on a cyber walk-of-fame…Ginger's star would be on it.

    Love you both.

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