Put The Fruitcake Down, Stand Back, And No One Will Get Hurt


It’s Christmas time, fa la la la la. Pass the eggnog, but only if made with fake egg yokes, fat-free half and half, and Stevia raw sugar extract. Keep the brandy coming, tho guys. It’s going to be a tough season.
I write this because the lone fruitcake that has been circling around the globe for the past thirty plus years has gone missing. Unless someone ate it. Wait a minute! That can’t be. Fruitcake is the scourge of the holiday, the odd-man out, the little guy everyone… Read more